Monday, July 07, 2008

Exam Essay - May '08

One Nation of Individuals

Immigrants pour into this country daily with dreams of better opportunities, desires for personal freedom, or sometimes just because they have nowhere better to go. With them they bring all of their baggage, both literal and figurative, as well as a wealth of knowledge and customs from their original homelands. To require those who enter this country to give up their unique culture would be akin to making this country as over-processed as the foods we consume. It would violate the foundation and ideals this nation was built upon and cause most people to feel unappreciated as individuals. Individuality is part of what makes us human – tradition is what binds us as a family and as a society.

Removing all form of individualism and variation from the people entering this country would eventually have a horrible effect on the entirety of this society. It would transform a once colorful and vibrant group of billions into a stale and Stepford-esque civilization. The blandness of our culture would only rival that of the cookie-cutter homes that Urban Sprawl has caused the general public to become so accepting of these days. Such an uncalled-for demand would go beyond the labeling of people with social security and other various numbers and become a complete metamorphosis into said number. We would no longer be faces with feelings but merely strings of digits with no real substance or solidity. The beliefs and traditions that most immigrants would be forced into giving up are often what help them bond with the rest society in general. Many of us deeply enjoy sharing things about ourselves and learning about others; without anything to make us different there is nothing to contribute – no need to bond. Everyone would know all there was about those around them and have no real desire to communicate. The want to build relationships with others would become null and void.

To ask that someone give up a part of their culture or where they hail from would be like stripping them of their past and themselves. It would be much the same as attempting to wipe out history. Traditions and various cultural practices normally stem from generations of beliefs which have been carried through bloodlines and crossed into families and numerous societies. Much of what is now considered as "American as apple pie" was originally a ceremony or holiday that traveled across the ocean from Europe, Africa, or some other far off region that, if faced with its introduction today, we would call foreign with a half-mocking sneer. If we, as a society, were to demand that all immigrants depart from their cultural background we would all be starting over at square one. Only those who were truly native to this land would be able to maintain their set of beliefs. (Which actually might not be such a bad idea given the wasteful tendencies of the majority of people now living in the United States and the earth-friendly practices of most Native American tribes.)

The foundation of this nation was built on the dream that one's beliefs would not necessarily be accepted by all but would at least be tolerated. The Puritans of Europe sailed the ocean blue for the right to live how they deemed as correct. The complete disregard for an individual's, or group of individuals', personal freedom is what this country prides itself on being against. Throughout the history of this country people have fought and died for their rights as a certain gender or race. Why, since we have struggled so hard for this freedom, would we deny it to those who are coming here seeking such opportunities? It seems as though it is a step backward from all the ground we have gained, an insult to those that gave their lives for our ability to be who we decide to be, and a possibly detrimental narrowing of our collective minds.
The United States is often called the melting pot of the world because of the various cultures and beliefs that can be found in this country. Without the variety of people, with their different traditions, beliefs, and perspectives, I believe this nation as a whole would suffer. We, as a people, would not be as likely to grow and expand into compassionate, tolerant, and expressive human beings, if we were to demand that anyone setting foot onto this land and into our communities was to give up who they are as individuals in order to blend in with the rest of us. Quite honestly there is no one I have met that was an exact replica of another person. Each one of us has different ideas, ideals, hopes, and opinions and we should respect that in others especially when we expect the same consideration in return.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Wedding Bell Blog

Haven't been on here for a while - which is no shock given my usual attendance record but i have a very valid excuse this time...more or less... My long absence can be partially explained by the planning of my (& Billiam's) upcoming wedding and the development of our "wedding blog." It is, as of late, not unusual for a soon-to-be-married couple to create a wedding site online so that guests can be aware of places to stay, requested attire, food to be served, and registry information - just to name a few things among a myriad of details supplied. And i figured that since i was only taking 1 class for the summer semester & all my "extra" time was being consumed by wedding stuff (which i am apparently planning, surprising, extremely in advance) that maybe i too should build a wedding thing. So i talked to LJ (Little Jenny - so called as to not mistake her for ME [tattooed jenni]) and she. Billiam, and i decided that a wedding BLOG should be set up. That way people can comment or ask questions AND we can add pictures, drawings, and whatever else we want to make it both informative AND entertaining.

So here it is... billandjenni.blogspot.com

It is a work-in-progress but i very much like it thus far. i am just trying to figure out what else i need to add to it now.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

My computer's FINALLY back - YAY Joey!

i have been conspicuously absent for quite a while now...technically i am probably the only one who noticed (but at least SOMEONE did, right?)...because my computer died and had to be revived. For its return and to express my gratitude i would like to say a big THANK YOU to Joey and Billiam - without these two smarty-geniuses i would be much sadder and music-less.
Another YAY gets to be said for the end of the Spring '08 semester. It was a long and stressful haul but i actually made it out with most of my brain in tact and a bit of an ego boost with my John Nash-channeling...
Sadly all you get from this is the very short message you have here. i am going to give my poor little brain a break but i WILL come back soon to vent (m'sure) and practice my writing.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

On Heart Day ... “Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see.”

"Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning."

There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.” - Johhny Depp

“May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.” - Oscar Wilde

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”

Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” - Sam Keen


“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

Monday, January 07, 2008

i want to feel sexy again.

not much to say ...again again again (eat eat eat)

i am heading back to class in a few days. Starting my horrible math class (Idiots' Math 123) at 8 am on Thursday then picking Pipp up from the airport & Saturday is Ty's bday. 30-somethingth. i currently have the beginnings of a migraine (AGAIN - had one last night too. Other side of the head though. Sinus thing maybe? i have no idea. And no medical insurance therefor no doctor visit to figure out what i can do or even what it is that is wrong with my head. i ate too much again today too. It seems to be a new habit of mine. Unhappy = eat. Bored = eat. Stressed = eat. jenni gaining weight = horrible self-esteem which = unhappy & stressed which = eat eat eat. Its a vicious cycle that will soon have wedding planning stress added to it & then school/procrastination stress added to it so we can go ahead & add 16 more "eats" into the equation & then i will be wearing a size 14 wedding dress in November. And since apparently (or as someone keeps telling me) no one is going to show up to my wedding to be happy & celebrate with me & Billiam - i have nothing to worry about with the fatness & eating....

PLEASE let the rest of this year go better than this 1st week.

please.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Prediction (& a pretty picture!)


SO....the year is almost over & i must say - it has certainly been a busy one! i quit my horrible job, i am going back to school (finished my 1st semester with a mass of "B"s and 1 "A" - which i don't think is too bad since i haven't been to school in 10 yrs!) , and i got engaged a couple weeks ago!! All in all i'd have to say that it has been a stressful but fulfilling year for me. And my goals for this coming year are to: (a) write in this blog at least once a week, (b) plan & execute this wedding with minimal stress, (c) not procrastinate so badly with my school work/papers, (d) not be as depressed as i have been this year (or am right now for that matter.) i don't think these goals are insurmountable & i hope they are not unreasonable.

2008 will be the year of the Billiam & jenni!!!

(its about time!!)

Monday, September 03, 2007


this is me. minus 28 yrs but me all the same.
(what the hell do i think i am doing?!)

Friday, July 13, 2007

this has become so important to me

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Thursday, June 14, 2007

letter to Jada

Hey Lady! i know i just said this on your comments but i must see you & feel you & taste-y-smell you before i fly away on the 23rd. If the plane goes down i do NOT want my last thought to be..."i never got to see my Jada again before i died!!"

i feel so disconnected & disjointed lately. like i am losing everything & everyone...its all slipping through my fingers like water. (or Martinis.. or Grape Juice!) & i am so very numb sometimes.

am i being silly? should i just let go & let the cards fall where they may? Is it bad that i miss the way everything was? Most of us were unhappier then but we all had each other. Now we are scattered. Or maybe only i am scattered.

In the end i guess i just want all of my friends to be happy. That's all i have ever wanted. i'm really not that concerned abt myself - if i am in between this & that...then good for me but what i really want... i want YOU to live & love & be happy! i want that for all of my friends.

i dunno. i am just venting to you & i am sorry. it is not fair for me to not see you for so long & then just start rambling & blathering on & on & on... & on about stuff.

i miss you.

jb

Friday, June 08, 2007

yeah - i've got nothing to say...maybe

it is hot & sticky outside today. the air so thick i can barely breathe. Not that it matters all that much - with all the pollen i can't breathe right anyway. Stupid Summer!! At least my freckles come back to visit me. So i guess that's cool. And i get to eat ice cream...unlike every other day of the year. :o.

yeah - i've got nothing to say...maybe.

i've been feeling distracted & disconnected lately. More so than normal that is. All of my friends are just out of arms reach...& my arms seem to be getting shorter. Is this what it is to be an "adult"? If so, get me the fuck outta here! i didn't sign up for this!! Nowhere in the Getting Older Rules did it say i would lose my friends.

Though it has come to my attention that maybe some of the people i thought were friends merely saw me as an extension of someone else. (With the exception of J&J, D, Jadabear, MaryB, Pete & the Mink, ...and Billiam, of course.) But some of the people i spent the better part of 7(ish) years with playing & laughing, hugging & holding, sharing with & listening to, trying to be there for - they've vanished.

& i am left confused & hurt.

i don't want to grow-up anymore.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

am i too old to run away?

i am having one of those days again. One of those days where the simplest of tasks seems to overwhelm me. Where the smallest things set me spiraling downward uncontrollably. It seems so unfair sometimes. i feel as though my life is not my own to control - as though i am not mistress (master?) of this body & soul. And i can't explain it to anyone. How do you explain something you yourself do not even understand? How can you explain that you are afraid that one day you won't be able to talk yourself through this? i felt like such a failure. (i feel like such a failure.) Sitting in my car trying so hard not to cry. Trying so hard not to lose what little grasp on emotional stability i thought i had. This is ridiculous. One day i am strong & decisive & reasonably intelligent & the next i can't connect one thought to another. i don't care what i do, what i eat, or if i shower. i just want to hide & sleep & cry. But i can't cry. i won't. (My last ditch effort to deny my misery to myself & everyone around me.) My refusal to be weak causes me to be weak - causes my head to throb & my body to tremble. Leaves me dizzy & nauseous.

maybe if i ignore it - it will all just go away.

maybe i will go away.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

1st cheater post of 2007

What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills.

Idealistic and dreamy, you tend toward the impractical. You have a knack for getting yourself in sticky situations.

Brainy and intelligent, you are intellectual to the point of being incomprehensible.

Your emotions tend to be nervous and potent. Your energy - both positive and negative - deeply impacts your life.

Friday, February 02, 2007

i have become nothing more than an afterthought...even to myself.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

This "J " is for Judi ...

OK - here's how this works...(i think) : i was given a letter of the alphabet by Jud-i-bug & i am supposed to think of 10 words that start with that letter & write what they mean to me. So...here goes...something.

1) jennibean - i KNOW this is not an actual word. It is a nickname that was given to me by my friend Alex. i LOVE this name & i don't care how ridiculous i will appear when i answer to it when i am 40-something. (some variations: jb, jbean, bean)

2) Jabberwockey
-

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

3) jaded - jad·ed adj.
  1. Worn out; wearied: “My father's words had left me jaded and depressed” (William Styron).
  2. Dulled by surfeit; sated: “the sickeningly sweet life of the amoral, jaded, bored upper classes” (John Simon).
  3. <>Cynically or pretentiously callous.
    [ i am the 1st & 3rd...dunno about the middle one though.]
4) January - i am hoping that my life will be a little less stressful this next year. 5) jinx - a possible name for the Chi-hua-hua i want. (sounds more like a cat name though, huh?) 6) jiggle - my stomach has a definite jello-y quality to it presently. it bothers me. 7) journey - i am looking forward to my relationship with Billiam & its growth. 8) jail - my mother always lovingly tells me not to end up in jail when i talk to her before going out with my friends. 9) joy - that elusive creature taunts me still. 10) juicy - This is what Ty calls me. & i haven't figured out why yet.
i know i said 10 but 13 is my # so...
11) junk - i hate my car. 12) join - i was never a team player - even when i was young.
13) jest - sometimes i feel like i am a punchline to a joke i will never understand.

Friday, December 01, 2006

this is my car: (well...a MUCH nicer version of my car - but play along with me here.)
The image “http://static.flickr.com/52/144372281_86fe6e72eb_m.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

this is what i want to happen to my car:
The image “http://www.orlandospfx.com/images/Deadly%20Rivals%20car.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.


its hasn't been a good day and its only 7:42am.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

last chance for one in November -

i am feeling hollow and lost and alone today. Not alone outside of me - i know i have friends and family and Billiam and Pete who care about me & love me - but alone inside. (If THAT makes ANY sense @ all.)

Some days i feel almost whole and confident and good. Today is not one of those days. Today i feel small and weak and scared. Uncertain. Like i am a tiny me trapped inside this shell. This pale, bruised and inked body - a tomb for my true self.

Sometimes, in the dark of night - in the dark of my soul - i can feel myself die a little. And sometimes that part that has gone can be rebuilt but sometimes... what's gone is gone and will never be found again. Do i miss these parts of me? If i wait long enough i can't even define them anymore. Can you miss someone you don't even know anymore? Or am i merely grieving for the massive amounts of empty space inside me?





Monday, October 30, 2006

research - because i'd rather be numb than write about it.

Depression
(Major Depressive Disorder)

SYMPTOMS

A person who suffers from a major depressive disorder (sometimes also referred to as clinical depression or major depression) must either have a depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities consistently for at least a 2 week period. This mood must represent a change from the person's normal mood. Social, occupational, educational or other important functioning must also be negatively impaired by the change in mood. For instance, a person who has missed work or school because of their depression, or has stopped attending classes altogether or attending usual social engagements.

A depressed mood caused by substances (such as drugs, alcohol, medications) is not considered a major depressive disorder, nor is one which is caused by a general medical condition. Major depressive disorder generally cannot be diagnosed if a person has a history of manic, hypomanic, or mixed episodes (e.g., a bipolar disorder) or if the depressed mood is better accounted for by schizoaffective disorder and is not superimposed on schizophrenia, a delusion or psychotic disorder. Typically the diagnosis of major depression is also not made if the person is grieving over a significant loss in their lives (see note on bereavement below).

Clinical depression is characterized by the presence of the majority of these symptoms:

  • Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feeling sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). (In children and adolescents, this may be characterized as an irritable mood.)
  • Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day
  • Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.
  • Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
  • Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day
  • Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
  • Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day
  • Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day
  • Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

In addition, for a diagnosis of major depression to be made, the symptoms must not be better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

*sniffle*

i miss pete.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

blow out a candle for me



it is my birthday today. @ 4:48 pm i will be 28 yrs old...